Three Simple Steps to Greater Self-Compassion Even Under Stress

Photo by Marc Pell on Unsplash Image of woodland scene with moss

I’m a big fan of compassion. For the record, I’m not a fan of positive thinking. Compassion is different from positive thinking. If I was nervous before a public speaking event, positive thinking would have me repeat affirmations about how confident I was, and imagine my awesomeness as an inspirational, in-demand, public speaker.

With compassion, I focus on having compassion for the part of myself that is nervous and afraid, being warm and understanding just as I am. Compassion involves accepting the hard emotions rather than trying to change them.

Positive thinking directly seeks change — compassion directly seeks acceptance (which paradoxically can lead to transformation).

Compassion isn’t the same as assertiveness. That said, if someone practised self-compassion they may feel better able to assert themselves as a secondary effect.

While we’re here, mindfulness isn’t about thinking positively either — it’s about trying to notice how things are and not judge them, so not label them positive or negative.

Although I didn’t have the name for it at the time — which is shocking, given all the therapy and mental health input I’d had, and the fact that I was a dietitian — compassion got me through when I’d dropped below the rock bottom. I…